Waking up after a bad night sometimes made it feel like it had all just been a dream.
But when every day you wake up feeling like a dream then it's a little harder to shrug off the sour feelings left behind from mistakes made and feelings hurt.
Tiffany found herself slow to wake in the light of a summer morning. Thankfully there was no school today so the residents of the Funbari Onsen were allowed to sleep in a little longer then usual. And they all needed it after the emotional outbursts from the night before.
Rolling over to check on her friend Tiffany noted that apparently Sandy didn't feel the need to sleep in. The younger girl's Futon was already folded up and stacked in the closet leaving her half of the room mostly empty save for a few children's books and a stack of notebooks and pens.
She probably went out for a run. Tiffany mused sitting up. There was a sound of paper folding and crumpling as she realized something was taped to the front of her blanket. Picking it up and smoothing it out she saw a hastily scribbled angry face and "Out for a run." Written in English. No name signed on it but Tiffany didn't need to be a detective to figure the rest out.
Setting the paper aside on her own stack of notebooks Tiffany forced herself out of bed and began to clean up her own Futon. A morning ritual that the girls had quickly adjusted to in order to keep their room from feeling too small and cluttered. Once everything had been packed away she sat back down on a cushion where her futon had been and starred into the middle distance trying to reckon with the events of the previous night.
Why couldn't I just leave well enough alone? she lamented running her hand over her face and clearing the sleep from her eyes more throughly.
Because you never leave well enough alone. You've been alive three decades and you never learned how to just mind your own business. An irritatingly accurate voice chimed in. For a moment Tiffany reflected on how her negative thoughts often sounded a bit like her evil doppleganger's voice. But that was just blaming others again wasn't it?
Fifi wasn't here. Neither was Jinx or Noir or Beastboy...no he went by Changeling now didn't he?
That was enough to give her pity party and pause. When had he changed his name anyway? She'd lost touch with so many of her friends over the years as she spiraled and began her plans to resurrect the Demon Lords. The last time she saw him was when he had shown up to stop her and before that...another blank.
So many of her specific memories were like that. Hazy, sometimes completely gone. If she hadn't always been fairly good at remembering details she'd suspect it was just the natural thing for memories to fade. But this was something more. Something magic induced.
There were things about her own life she didn't want to remember and until last night she was starting to come around to the idea of just leaving those things lost. Now that just felt irresponsible.
And so she took out a fresh notebook from the stack and a pen, starting off on page one.
My name is Tiffany Clay. I am either 16 years old, or 26 depending on how you look at it. I was born in San Fransisco, California on June 16th
What year? She tried to pull it out by running the date in her mind a few more times but nothing came. She left the spot empty.
My parents are-
Another blank. She stopped for a moment and tried to picture their faces but it wasn't coming to her. She knew her own last name so she could guess that at least one of them shared it. But as for their first names it was another empty spot. Rather then erase the sentence she left it blank and moved on to the next line. This was already frustrating.
What else? What were important details that she should remember but couldn't?
I wanted to learn magic because when I was little there was a show I used to watch about a young witch who would get in and out of trouble using magic, but I didn't know what I really wanted to do until the night I witnessed Zatanna defeat a monster and save the city all by herself.
It had happened so quickly and so long ago now she only remembered it in flashes. Her mother had been taking her out for an evening stroll. A monster was blasted out of the front window a building and into the street where it proceeded to throw cars back at the building.
But with a flair for the dramatic, Zatanna had appeared and kept the beast distracted and confused until she was able to banish him and safe the day. She even went to the trouble to repair the damage to the buildings and cars.
Young Tiffany had been inspired in that moment. From that day on she wanted to know everything about Zatanna. Her origins, her powers. She even started saving up spare change so some day she could afford to go to one of her magic shows!
It all left a sickening feeling in her gut when she realized that the same Zatanna who had saved the city and inspired her was dead and she never even found out how. All she knew was that the heroine had died while she and Raven were off taking over Azeroth.
I wanted to be Zatanna's side kick and she said no. A lot. So I ran away from home and went to the Teen Titans calling myself Little Zatanna. They never even questioned it. It all seemed to irresponsible now. How foolish her friends had been to trust someone so quickly just because she was soft spoken and brightly colored.
I made friends with the Titans, Beastboy, Terra, Raven, Cyborg, Gaia, Noir and Jinx especially. Even after they found out Zatanna had never accepted me as her protege they didn't judge me for what I'd done.
Why had she kept that name for so long? It was so embarrassing! But even now she found herself falling into obsessive habits and patterns.
I learned healing magics from Raven and using what I learned I was able to save Noir's soul from the afterlife and restore him to a physical form. It wasn't perfect but it was the first time I'd brought someone back to life and I felt like my potential was unlimited.
A roller coster of emotions as she forced herself to remember Noir's death and the nightmarish journey it had taken to find his soul and steal it out of the underworld. Why were these memories so clear but memories of her actual non-superhero life were so hazy?
I spent 3-4 years in the Digital world where I met Hana Asakura and Cassandra Marko. My best friends and people I love most of all.
Finally, something that she could write down that made her feel warm and happy even if only for a moment. Looking over at where Sandy's futon would be was enough to take all the comfort right back out of her and leave her feeling miserable once more.
The Digital World was strange and scary. Some days it felt like living in a normal city with mini marts and clothing stores and all the sorts of things you expect from a city. Other days you woke up with everyone around you breaking out into song, or transformed into animals or being chased by bug monsters.
Unable to repress a shudder at the memory of a particularly hazy attack where Sandy and Hana had rescued her from a hospital while bug like Digital monsters swarmed the halls.
I stammered and whimpered and cried my way through my first year and a half in the Digital world, barely able to do basic magic. But over time the more time I spent with Hana and Sandy, the more my confidence grew. The more powerful my magic became.
The more time I spent with them, the more I loved them.
And then one day, before I knew it the adventure was over and I was brought back to my own world the exact moment I had left it. Torn away from Hana and Sandy and everyone else I had met there.
How had the Digital World ended? Had there been some massive battle? Some apocalyptic event? She couldn't remember she only could feel sad at the idea of it. Heartbroken that a place so important to her had suddenly been taken away.
Along with the two people she needed most.
I cried on and off again for days after. Noir and Jinx did their best to help me, they remembered the Digital World too but Beastboy didn't. He wasn't the same Beastboy that was in the Digital World.
But the rest of the world didn't stop, and before I knew it we were fighting some new enemy, some threat that could destroy everything we held dear. Noir and Jinx managed to move on.
I couldn't bring myself to let go of them.
It was starting to come back to her as she wrote it out. The long nights studying spell books and history, the constant nagging feeling like something was missing from her life and the ache in her heart whenever she saw something that reminded her of Sandy or Hana.
I wanted so badly to find them. To make sure they were OK. To come after them myself or to bring them to me. Eventually I managed to find the right spells to scry on Sandy.
The first time I cast the spell to find her, I watched her die. I broke my scrying orb.
I couldn't let it happen to her. Not after everything we'd been through. So I swore I would fix it, save her and bring us all together again.
Or at least make sure she could find Hana again.
So many spells for transportation, teleportation, moving between worlds and manipulating reality but none of it ever worked the way it was supposed to. Like someone or something was going out of it's way to thwart her every attempt.
Maybe it was fate, or destiny or some god or demon that I couldn't comprehend but it felt like even when I had everything perfect, something impossible would happen to throw it all into chaos once more.
And the more obsessed I was about fixing things, the harder it became to fix anything at all.
Raven did her best to help me, but in the end she began to believe if my goals came true that I would leave and never come back. And by that time the world was becoming a darker, scarier place.
Bigger problems, harder to fix. Even with all the Titans original and new we were always just two steps ahead of losing everything.
And I refused to die before I had set things right for Hana and Sandy.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-06-25 09:55 am (UTC)But when every day you wake up feeling like a dream then it's a little harder to shrug off the sour feelings left behind from mistakes made and feelings hurt.
Tiffany found herself slow to wake in the light of a summer morning. Thankfully there was no school today so the residents of the Funbari Onsen were allowed to sleep in a little longer then usual. And they all needed it after the emotional outbursts from the night before.
Rolling over to check on her friend Tiffany noted that apparently Sandy didn't feel the need to sleep in. The younger girl's Futon was already folded up and stacked in the closet leaving her half of the room mostly empty save for a few children's books and a stack of notebooks and pens.
She probably went out for a run. Tiffany mused sitting up. There was a sound of paper folding and crumpling as she realized something was taped to the front of her blanket. Picking it up and smoothing it out she saw a hastily scribbled angry face and "Out for a run." Written in English. No name signed on it but Tiffany didn't need to be a detective to figure the rest out.
Setting the paper aside on her own stack of notebooks Tiffany forced herself out of bed and began to clean up her own Futon. A morning ritual that the girls had quickly adjusted to in order to keep their room from feeling too small and cluttered. Once everything had been packed away she sat back down on a cushion where her futon had been and starred into the middle distance trying to reckon with the events of the previous night.
Why couldn't I just leave well enough alone? she lamented running her hand over her face and clearing the sleep from her eyes more throughly.
Because you never leave well enough alone. You've been alive three decades and you never learned how to just mind your own business. An irritatingly accurate voice chimed in. For a moment Tiffany reflected on how her negative thoughts often sounded a bit like her evil doppleganger's voice. But that was just blaming others again wasn't it?
Fifi wasn't here. Neither was Jinx or Noir or Beastboy...no he went by Changeling now didn't he?
That was enough to give her pity party and pause. When had he changed his name anyway? She'd lost touch with so many of her friends over the years as she spiraled and began her plans to resurrect the Demon Lords. The last time she saw him was when he had shown up to stop her and before that...another blank.
So many of her specific memories were like that. Hazy, sometimes completely gone. If she hadn't always been fairly good at remembering details she'd suspect it was just the natural thing for memories to fade. But this was something more. Something magic induced.
There were things about her own life she didn't want to remember and until last night she was starting to come around to the idea of just leaving those things lost. Now that just felt irresponsible.
And so she took out a fresh notebook from the stack and a pen, starting off on page one.
My name is Tiffany Clay.
I am either 16 years old, or 26 depending on how you look at it.
I was born in San Fransisco, California on June 16th
What year? She tried to pull it out by running the date in her mind a few more times but nothing came. She left the spot empty.
My parents are-
Another blank. She stopped for a moment and tried to picture their faces but it wasn't coming to her. She knew her own last name so she could guess that at least one of them shared it. But as for their first names it was another empty spot. Rather then erase the sentence she left it blank and moved on to the next line. This was already frustrating.
What else? What were important details that she should remember but couldn't?
I wanted to learn magic because when I was little there was a show I used to watch about a young witch who would get in and out of trouble using magic, but I didn't know what I really wanted to do until the night I witnessed Zatanna defeat a monster and save the city all by herself.
It had happened so quickly and so long ago now she only remembered it in flashes. Her mother had been taking her out for an evening stroll. A monster was blasted out of the front window a building and into the street where it proceeded to throw cars back at the building.
But with a flair for the dramatic, Zatanna had appeared and kept the beast distracted and confused until she was able to banish him and safe the day. She even went to the trouble to repair the damage to the buildings and cars.
Young Tiffany had been inspired in that moment. From that day on she wanted to know everything about Zatanna. Her origins, her powers. She even started saving up spare change so some day she could afford to go to one of her magic shows!
It all left a sickening feeling in her gut when she realized that the same Zatanna who had saved the city and inspired her was dead and she never even found out how. All she knew was that the heroine had died while she and Raven were off taking over Azeroth.
I wanted to be Zatanna's side kick and she said no. A lot. So I ran away from home and went to the Teen Titans calling myself Little Zatanna. They never even questioned it. It all seemed to irresponsible now. How foolish her friends had been to trust someone so quickly just because she was soft spoken and brightly colored.
I made friends with the Titans, Beastboy, Terra, Raven, Cyborg, Gaia, Noir and Jinx especially. Even after they found out Zatanna had never accepted me as her protege they didn't judge me for what I'd done.
Why had she kept that name for so long? It was so embarrassing! But even now she found herself falling into obsessive habits and patterns.
I learned healing magics from Raven and using what I learned I was able to save Noir's soul from the afterlife and restore him to a physical form. It wasn't perfect but it was the first time I'd brought someone back to life and I felt like my potential was unlimited.
A roller coster of emotions as she forced herself to remember Noir's death and the nightmarish journey it had taken to find his soul and steal it out of the underworld. Why were these memories so clear but memories of her actual non-superhero life were so hazy?
I spent 3-4 years in the Digital world where I met Hana Asakura and Cassandra Marko. My best friends and people I love most of all.
Finally, something that she could write down that made her feel warm and happy even if only for a moment. Looking over at where Sandy's futon would be was enough to take all the comfort right back out of her and leave her feeling miserable once more.
no subject
Date: 2021-06-25 09:48 pm (UTC)Unable to repress a shudder at the memory of a particularly hazy attack where Sandy and Hana had rescued her from a hospital while bug like Digital monsters swarmed the halls.
I stammered and whimpered and cried my way through my first year and a half in the Digital world, barely able to do basic magic. But over time the more time I spent with Hana and Sandy, the more my confidence grew. The more powerful my magic became.
The more time I spent with them, the more I loved them.
And then one day, before I knew it the adventure was over and I was brought back to my own world the exact moment I had left it. Torn away from Hana and Sandy and everyone else I had met there.
How had the Digital World ended? Had there been some massive battle? Some apocalyptic event? She couldn't remember she only could feel sad at the idea of it. Heartbroken that a place so important to her had suddenly been taken away.
Along with the two people she needed most.
I cried on and off again for days after. Noir and Jinx did their best to help me, they remembered the Digital World too but Beastboy didn't. He wasn't the same Beastboy that was in the Digital World.
But the rest of the world didn't stop, and before I knew it we were fighting some new enemy, some threat that could destroy everything we held dear. Noir and Jinx managed to move on.
I couldn't bring myself to let go of them.
It was starting to come back to her as she wrote it out. The long nights studying spell books and history, the constant nagging feeling like something was missing from her life and the ache in her heart whenever she saw something that reminded her of Sandy or Hana.
I wanted so badly to find them. To make sure they were OK. To come after them myself or to bring them to me. Eventually I managed to find the right spells to scry on Sandy.
The first time I cast the spell to find her, I watched her die. I broke my scrying orb.
I couldn't let it happen to her. Not after everything we'd been through. So I swore I would fix it, save her and bring us all together again.
Or at least make sure she could find Hana again.
So many spells for transportation, teleportation, moving between worlds and manipulating reality but none of it ever worked the way it was supposed to. Like someone or something was going out of it's way to thwart her every attempt.
Maybe it was fate, or destiny or some god or demon that I couldn't comprehend but it felt like even when I had everything perfect, something impossible would happen to throw it all into chaos once more.
And the more obsessed I was about fixing things, the harder it became to fix anything at all.
Raven did her best to help me, but in the end she began to believe if my goals came true that I would leave and never come back. And by that time the world was becoming a darker, scarier place.
Bigger problems, harder to fix. Even with all the Titans original and new we were always just two steps ahead of losing everything.
And I refused to die before I had set things right for Hana and Sandy.